A "Senless Tragedy"? Thoughts on the Boston Marathon Bombings

Over the last several days I have noticed while reading the news coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings that took place this past Monday that the most common phrase used to describe this event is "senseless tragedy". From President Obama (who called it a senseless loss in his initial statement) to former presidential candidate Mitt Romney's son to a former NFL football player to even Pope Francis.

What happened in Boston was tragic. Tragic to those involved, to those watching on television, and to all of us as our eyes are opened (once again) to the wickedness of the world in which we live.

But were the bombings senseless?

Did they have no meaning or purpose? Was it just a random act of fate?

Obviously the bombings were not senseless to those carrying out the attack. No matter how illogical their motive might be to us, there was a purpose to the bombers. But more importantly we know that the bombings were not pointless to God, even though we may not understand "why". Whether God ordains an event or permits it, He is still in control and He has a plan.

The Bible tells us over and over that nothing happens arbitrarily, even the most disastrous events are not out of God's control (Isaiah 45:7). Even the roll of a dice when I am playing a game with my daughter is determined by God (Proverbs 16:33). The people who were running in the Boston Marathon or on the sidelines were not there randomly. Where we live and where we travel on a daily basis does not happen by chance (Acts 17:24-28). We make plans every day, but the Lord directs our steps (Proverbs 16:9). We know that God can do ANYTHING. He can take one of his biggest persecutors of His church and turn them into a missionary (Acts 9), and He can even stay the hand of a bomber (Daniel 4:35). No purpose of His can be thwarted (Job 42:2). And God often uses seemingly evil acts to bring about His good purposes (Genesis 50:20).

Randy Alcorn said in his book "If God is Good Why Do We Hurt" (a short booklet based off his larger work, "If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil."),

"We sometimes view the intense suffering caused by such horrible evil as being totally pointless. But our failure to see the point in extreme suffering doesn't prove there is no point. ....The Bible indicates that God will not permit anything to happen that he can't use to bring ultimate good to his people and to glorify himself. ...On the cross Jesus suffered the worst pain in history. Yet that event will forever remain at the center of our worship and wonder. If God used the most terrible event in history for eternal good, might he not use less terrible events in our lives for eternal good?" (p. 46-47)
 

Telling a victim of the Boston Marathon bombing that their family member died of a "senseless tragedy" offers absolutely no hope to the suffering. My pain doesn't make sense. We will probably never understand exactly what caused my pain to begin and why I have to continue to suffer, but to tell me my pain is senseless only leaves me angered and discouraged.

This is why our words are so important when comforting the suffering. We don't have to understand the "whys" to give hope to the hurting. We just have to trust that the one who upholds the universe by the word of his power (Hebrews 1:3) ordained every one our days before even one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16), and know that He is working all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

The kind people at Eternal Perspective Ministries have given me some copies of Randy Alcorn's "If God is Good Why Do We Hurt?" I would LOVE to give away 3 copies of this great booklet. I keep it close to my bed and pull it out for quick reference in times of discouragement or despondence. It never fails to encourage me to trust our Sovereign God.

UPDATE: GIVEAWAY CLOSED

The first three people to leave a comment on this post will receive a copy of this great resource. After leaving a comment, please email me at purposeofpain (at) gmail (dot) com and send me your mailing address.

May we continue to strive to trust our loving God and find hope in His purposeful providence in this fallen world.

Preparing for Jesus

The holidays are often a very difficult time for those of us with chronic illness. While everyone is running around shopping and decorating without a second thought, we are just praying to be able make a few memories with our families this Christmas. Most people would be surprised to know that in order to spend a few hours standing and socializing at a Christmas party I need to rest up in advance and even if I do so I will often suffer the consequences of "having fun".

It's tempting to look around and feel like I've been cheated. Why doesn't my husband have the wife he married and why doesn't my daughter have a mom who can do everything like all the other moms?  All I want to do is go to a Christmas parade or make cookies with my family....what's wrong with that, God?

Nothing is wrong with those things, but are they necessary in order to have a happy holiday? I can celebrate Christmas even if I am flat on my back in bed because it is not tradition or family or food in which I am rejoicing, but rather God and how He came in flesh to bring hope to a dying world.

Even though there is the constant pull from the world and my own sin of idolatry, I want to focus on Jesus at Christmas. While my chronic pain may keep me from being the kind of mother I thought I would be, it has allowed me to better teach my daughter about the importance of having a relationship with God and how even though life is hard we can trust Him. I may not be able to bake for hours on end with my daughter at Christmas, but I can teach her about who Christ is by preparing for his coming.

I wanted to start an advent calendar tradition last year when my daughter was 2, but I was unable to do much last Christmas. As I said when I made my "Thankful Tree", I am not crafty and obviously my pain greatly limits me so I began talking with a friend in October about her advent traditions and began making plans. This year we are doing a felt advent calendar and a Jesse Tree Advent Calendar.

I really like The Advent Jesse Tree by Dean Lambert Smith. There are 25 separate devotions for children and adults. Each day comes with a memory verse and song ideas as well as questions to ask children at the end of each devotion. For ornaments I used pictures from Ann Voskamp's FREE advent devotional and other images I found on the Internet. Even if you don't have a tree or ornaments to go with the devotionals I highly recommend reading the stories/scripture. It's not too late to order a copy of The Advent Jesse Tree and use it for the remaining days!

After reading Noel Piper's Treasuring God in our Traditions (which you can read/download for free here) I really wanted the advent calendar she created, but it is no longer sold. However, I did find the script she uses here. Then my friend introduced me to Heart FELT Truths and I downloaded the templates to make the nativity scene pictured above (except for the camels and dog, which I had to free hand). This was a bit more labor intensive than I would have liked, but I saved a lot of money doing it myself. You can purchase pre-made calendars through their etsy shop. I really preferred Noel Piper's script so I added on the camels and dog and re-ordered her script a little to make it work with the felt pieces I had templates for.

Even if you do not have children at home, I encourage you to spend time this advent season preparing for the celebration of Jesus's birth. Desiring God has a great app called Solid Joys, which features 365 daily devotions from the ministry of John Piper and currently these devotions correspond with Piper's ebook Good News of Great Joy (which can also be downloaded on your computer for free if you do not have an iphone/ipod/ipad).

My daughter has been so excited about the Advent Calendar and Jesse Tree this year. I hope these tools help her have a better understanding of God's plan to redeem the world through Jesus and help our family focus on Him more this season. No matter your circumstances this Christmas, may you find peace in the One who came to bring us great joy!

"And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people."  Luke 2:10 

Living Life in the "Sidelines"

It never seems to fail that after I blog about or publicly proclaim God's provision and goodness that Satan tempts me to despair. Yesterday was one of those days - a frustrating doctor's appointment, increased pain levels, a sick daughter (who by the way is normally extremely healthy - HUGE praise for that!), inability to get the massage I had scheduled, finding out we will have to wait 3 weeks to hear about the job my husband interviewed for, falling for a scam, etc. etc.

So what did my heart do? It turned to worry and doubt. I cried and felt panicky. I got frustrated with my husband who tried to preach the truth to me and I wallowed in self-pity. A family friend recommended a book by missionary to India, Amy Carmichael, called Rose from Brier which was written for those suffering during her days of illness. I thought I had heard Amy Carmichael suffered physically, but I did not know her story, so I did some research and found a book preview on Google Books called Amy Carmichael: Let the Little Children Come by Lois Hoadley Dick that shared some of her suffering:

"Diamond –crystalized carbon, the hardest substance in existence. It has been through the fire. The diamonds that reflect the most light have received the roughest treatment. Yet the greatest care is taken by the jeweler not to damage the stone in any way. Every flaw must be cut out, even a microscopic flaw. 

From 1901 to 1931, Amy had been active and in “spare” time wrote twenty-two books. Then in September 1931, she went to the Hindu town of Kalakadu, about four miles north of Dohnavur, to inspect a house called haunted, which was offered to them as an outpost for some of their workers. In her quiet time with the Lord that morning she had prayed, “Do with me as Thou wilt. Do anything, Lord, that will fit me to serve Thee and help my beloveds.” 

That evening, while walking around the house at Kalakadu, God began to answer her prayer. She slipped and fell into a pit dug by coolies in the wrong spot. Her leg was broken and her ankle dislocated. Acute neuritis later disabled one arm. Arthritic pain of the spine set in, and for twenty years she rarely left her room and was never without pain. Another fall in her room broke her hip and arm. The last two years of her life she could not get out of bed. The slightest moving was almost impossible, and drugs no longer controlled the constant pain.  

Answered prayer? Amy had prayed, “Do anything, Lord.” And he continued to facet the diamond.

Her family, who had been used to seeing her hurry about her work like a hare, found it hard to accept the situation. Amy was still active, but her activity was confined to one room, and it was activity of the inner life."

I have downloaded the Kindle sample of  Rose from Brier and it does look to be very encouraging.

Also encouraging while researching about Amy Carmichael, I came across a blog of a fellow suffering servant and was particularly convicted by this post. Struggling with a chronic illness and recovering from a miscarriage, she says she felt like she was "sitting on the sidelines of life". That is exactly how I felt last night! I kept saying, "what is the purpose in me laying around the house all day in my pajamas (the only clothes that don't inflict too much pain)?". I feel like I'm just sitting on the sidelines waiting to get better or for God to change our situation so I can join the rest of the world in living life and serving God! But like the author says, this isn't the sidelines - lying on my couch in my pajamas on July 26, 2012 is where God has me right now for a purpose. She says, "living in a place of dependence on Him, is a blessed place to be." Like Amy Carmichael, there is much work to be done on the inner life and this can be accomplished in one room with a failing body. It may not feel blessed, but that's where God's word comes in.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

God's in control of my days, His ways are good, and not a single minute "on the side-lines" is wasted.

"Polishing God's Monuments"

When I wrote about my disappointment after reading the book The Color of Rain a friend recommended a book called Polishing God's Monuments by Jim Andrews. I was excited to find a copy in our church library and read the almost 300 page book in just 2 weeks. I couldn't hardly put it down.

Andrews tells the story of his daughter and son-in-law who have suffered with chronic illness for over 20 years. Chronic fatigue syndrome shattered the dreams and plans of these young newlyweds. Juli, his daughter, also suffers from multiple chemical sensitivities so horrible that at one point she could barely tolerate any interaction with people, including her husband, due to the chemicals normal people carry on their clothing and skin from the environment. They would wear organic cotton hand-sewn white "jump suits" and spend most of their time in the dark as Juli became overly sensitive to light. They had a special environmentally safe house built, but the only furniture they could have in their house was a bed at one point. Juli couldn't even read the Bible or other books as the chemicals in the pages were too much for her. Her husband would read and memorize whole chapters of the Bible so he could recite them to Juli and she could memorize them as well! She went for 6 1/2 years without being able to attend church! It's hard to even imagine the kind of suffering they have endured. There have been times of a little reprieve throughout the years for Juli and Paul, but they have continued to suffer despite great faith in God.

The book alternates biography of the suffering of Juli, Paul, and their families with deep truths of God's goodness and sovereignty over suffering. Andrews encourages the reader to remember and "polish" God's monuments. The times both throughout Biblical history and in our own life when God has been faithful to us.  He says, "A monumental faith is able to look forward with confidence because it looks backward to the past. It discounts the baffling mysteries of present circumstances because it finds assurance in his [God's] historical works, his uncompromising character, and his unchanging promises." Andrews does not mean that because God healed people in the Bible I will be healed as that is not a promise given to us on this Earth. But promises such as, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" we can hold fast to as we remember times in the past when God faithfully cared for us.

One big "monument" I always think of is when I was serving as a missionary in Africa. I was fresh out of college and living alone in a huge house in a rural town with few other Westerners. I was lonely. I was so lonely I wanted to throw-up some mornings when I woke up. Even though I knew God was with me, I prayed and prayed for Him to bring me some companionship, hopefully another single girl to be my roommate. After six months God answered my prayer, though differently than I had asked. He brought me a family with four children to be my teammates. They became like family to me and six months after that God brought a single guy teammate, who is now my husband! Never before had I experienced God's provision in my life, but it did not come without pain.

Andrews also encourages the suffering soul to do "the next right thing". He says, "Don't obsess too much about the future. Don't drain your energy craning your spiritual neck to see whether or not your deliverance is on the distant horizon. Just tackle today-step by step." This is huge for me as I am a BIG planner. The decisions hanging over my head about future treatment options are almost killing me! Sometimes I become crippled by fear thinking how in the world I will live with this condition when I am 40, 50, or 60+ years old. Jesus tells me not to worry (Matthew 6:25-34) so some days all I can literally do is "the next right thing"....make my bed, fold laundry, and play with my daughter.

Whether you are suffering physically or in a different trial, I can't recommend this book enough! I want to do a better job of remembering God's faithfulness and using those experiences to encourage my soul when I begin to doubt God's purpose in my battle with chronic pain. I am always encouraged by others' experiences as well. What are some of God's monuments you have experienced in your life or Biblical accounts that bring you great hope in times of trouble?

Ministry to those Suffering

Does your church have a disability/chronic illness/suffering ministry? Really, leave a comment if your church does. (Remember you can always leave a comment anonymously). It's definitely an area of ministry that is lacking in our churches today I think.


 In the fall of 2009 Dallas Theological Seminary began offering a new course of study called "Theology of Suffering, Disability, and the Church".  It is taught by DTS faculty, medical professionals, counselors, and those suffering themselves.  You can download over a 100 of these lectures free through iTunes university here

It is my hope to one day start a chronic illness ministry at my church, Lord willing.  These lectures along with Lisa Copen's book  How to Start a Chronic Illness Small Group Ministry are a great resource to help you begin ministering to those suffering. 

Even if you aren't interested in starting a "suffering" ministry, these lectures are a great encouragement for times when you are suffering yourself.  Hearing the testimony of others who have walked through great trials and kept the faith always increases my love and trust in our sovereign God.

Enjoy!

Free Book Download

I have written a few times about "A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty" by Joni Eareckson Tada. It has been one of the most encouraging and enlightening books I have read on my journey with pain. 

Every month Christianaudio.com gives away a free audio book and this month's free book is "A Place of Healing"! It's about 6 hours long and you can download this book in 12 different segments for up to a year. You can even "gift" it to a friend.

I believe anyone, whether physically suffering or not, would benefit from this book as it helps to unfold some of the mysteries of God's sovereignty and suffering in the world. Afer all, we all will suffer at some point in our lives, unfortunantely some worse than others. This book is full of scripture and would be a great resource for those in ministry who help to care for others who are suffering and point them to the truth.

You have 7 days till this offer expires so download away! :)

"Choosing to SEE"

Thanks to Sunshine Deals for Amazon Kindle I was able to get this book for $2.99. Some books are as cheap as 99 cents, but the deal ends tomorrow so check it out while you can!

 "Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope" is by Mary Beth Chapman, wife of contempary Christian artist Steven Curtis Chapman. It's an autobiography of Mary Beth's life and particularly of her loss of their adopted child. I don't want to share too many details in case you choose to read it. But I highly recommend it. I always find great encouragement hearing about others' struggles and continued faith in the Lord. 

The book includes this quote by C.S. Lewis which I can relate to greatly. "We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." From my research it looks like this quote comes from Letters of C. S. Lewis. I know that God is working for my good in this chronic pain, but I often wonder how much more pain will God's good will include?

"Why Can't I Make People Understand?"

"'Oh, you look so good!  You must be feeling a lot better.' It's a kind word of encouragement and yet we've all felt the twinge of "if you only knew" that sparks possible heartache or resentment.  They don't have a clue how poorly I feel. It took everything to get up today and brush my hair.  Little do they know! Emotions well up within our heart as we contemplate to smile and say, 'Thank you' or jump into our lament of 'Well, I feel  a lot worse than I look...'"

taken from: Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why (Conquering the Confusions of Chronic Illness) (p. 9) by Lisa Copen, founder of Rest Ministries, Christian support ministry  for the chronically ill

I did not write those words, but I sure feel like I could have.  It's strange to think that a comment like "you look good" could bring such hurt and frustration.  I know people mean well in saying it, but from the perspective of someone who struggles with chronic illness/pain it feels like the person means, "if you look this good you must not really be sick".  This happens to me probably weekly as I go to church, Wal-Mart, work, etc.  The thing is people don't realize that in order for me to go out to a family gathering I spend the 2 hours prior laying down and resting. Or that while I do make it through church I am sitting there on my cushion with burning pain and debating on how much long I can make it before I must stand. Or that yes, I endure an 8 hour work shift only to spend the next day laying on the couch most of the day recovering. 

It seems like if people see me out and I look ok then I must be better (I'll often get the comment of, "So, you're doing better?"). In my pride,  I want to say, "No, I'm not doing better, in fact in the last 2 weeks I've developed a new symptom of burning pain in my knees, in addition to my feet and sacral/perineal area, which makes it really hard to stand. So now, I can't sit or stand without a ton of pain!" Or I want to say, "No, I don't feel better. I am just trying to live life the best I can. You know there are a lot of people who live in daily pain and they can't just go around talking about it all the time!" Or even worse, I don't want to go out of the house so people will realize that this pain is really bad! Of course, I don't say these things and I try to live as much of a normal life as I can, but if I don't point these things out to people I worry that they think chronic pain is not that bad or worse, that I am "crazy".  Ironically though when people don't say anything at all, it also is irritating because then it feels like they don't care that I hurt!

But even if I do point out these issues, the other person will never be able to understand exactly what I am feeling.  And that's really what this book is about-since most people cannot understand what it is like to be a pudendal neuralgia/chronic pain sufferer I must learn to let go of these feelings of worry, fear, disappointment, and anger when others do not seem sympathetic to my pain.  Copen says, "This book's purpose is to examine our own desires and then transform them so we can move forward in our spiritual growth instead of withering under the burden of unmet expectations"  p. 16

This book is filled with scripture and points to the One who truly can identify with our suffering and comfort us in our pain. It is a great book for both the chronic illness sufferer as well as those caring for someone with a chronic illness. I think it will help a spouse, friend or caregiver be able to better identify with the mixed emotions we go through and how to help point us to the truth in our weakness.

Other questions that are addressed in this book:

"Is it okay to get mad at God about it all and express your true feelings?"

"How should you respond when people say hurtful things about your illness?"

"How does your attitude affect whether you get the kind of understanding you seek or not?"

"What happens to your spiritual life when you feel alone and misunderstood in your pain?"