Can the Chronically Ill "Do" Ministry?

I have been involved in ministry for as long as I can remember. As a young girl I remember packing a sandwich for lunch and going with my mom to church where she served as the church secretary and pianist. My parents also served as youth leaders for a while and I tagged along on the beloved youth retreats and trips to amusement parks. As I got older, I became an active part of our youth group serving on mission trips, doing door to door evangelism, doing service projects, writing for our youth newsletter...you name it! In college I continued to go on several mission trips and eventually served for 2 years overseas after I graduated. I love serving the Lord and being involved ministry.

It never crossed my mind that I would ever not be involved in ministry. That was what I felt God had called me to do with my life: serve as a missionary overseas. Since my pain became disabling my opportunities for ministry have been very limiting. Basically I can blog, pray, or send cards to people.

Last night, however, I was able to be more practically involved in a ministry opportunity. I was able to help pack food bags for Feed My Starving Children, a Christian organization that sends food to hungry children in over 70 countries around the world. We spent about 2 hours along with 150 other people and packed enough food for 70 children to eat for a year! It was a small service project, but it felt huge to me to be apart of serving in a practical way.

Over the past several months I have gone from being the one who "serves" to the one who is the recipient of ministry. I am brought meals, people clean my house, give us money, and many keep us in their prayers. It's been a difficult thing to accept, but I know that allowing others to minister to me through my suffering is important.

As Christians we often equivalate feeding the poor, caring for the sick, teaching a Sunday School class or going on a mission trip with ministry. But in actuality the gospel of Jesus Christ is the ministry. The acts of service are only the acting out of the good news of Jesus Christ. My husband is an ordained pastor. He is ordained to the gospel ministry. Jesus' life, death, and resurrection is the ministry. Our ministry is to proclaim Him to all peoples. Serving people's physical needs is a good thing to do. Jesus cared for people physically, but it was not His primary purpose in coming to Earth. He came to bring joy to the world through salvation from sins and reconciliation with God.

In Acts 20:24 Paul says,

"But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."

This is why someone who is chronically ill or physically unable to leave their bed can be "involved in ministry". Because the ministry is "to testify to the gospel of the grace of God" and any believer can do that.  If you are encouraging a friend over the phone to trust in God despite trials in their life you are ministering. If you continue to speak of God's grace through Jesus in your life to others you are "doing ministry". The goal of ministry is that God would be glorified and people would come to understand the gospel, not just that mouths would be fed or people be clothed.
I have often been encouraged by this quote from John Piper concerning running the Christian race and fighting the good fight of faith.

“The race is run against temptations that would make us doubt God’s goodness. It is a fight to stay satisfied in God through broken hips and lost sight and failed memory.The race can and may be run flat on your back. In fact, it may be run and fought better by the paralyzed than by the able and seemingly self-sufficient." (Taste and See p. 153)

If you are chronically ill, do you struggle with not being able to be involved in practical ministry? How do you serve God when you can't "go" and "do"?

"Give me a Call"

“Call me if you need anything”. I wish I had counted the number of times I have heard this during my journey with chronic pain. For some people, I think this phrase is an “out”:  you share your story with them and come to a point where they don’t know what to say, but they feel they must say something hospitable and use the dreaded “Call me if you need anything.”  Others do genuinely care but don’t know what to say or do.

The problem is most people with chronic illness really need help every day but can’t call someone that frequently.  If you are like me when you hear “call me if you need anything,” you think the person doesn’t really want to help so you forget the comment was ever made.  But is that the correct response?

When people see me at church or swinging my daughter at the park they think I am fine, or at least doing much better.  So if I see them on Wednesday at Wal-Mart and call them on Thursday to help mop my floors won’t that seem suspicious?  Before becoming chronically ill, I naively thought, “If someone is well enough to leave the house then they must not be that sick.” 

Is it right to ask for help if I choose to use my energy for the day eating out with my family instead of doing laundry? Should I only call for help if I am housebound and really unable to do anything? I often think of calling for help as a onetime lifeline that must be used carefully. 

Due to the flare up from my recent procedure, I finally took some friends up on the offer and asked for help.  It was a big step for me.  I’m sure they would be surprised that a simple offer to call for help can be so worrisome to someone.  However, should it cause so much worry? I want friends to call me and offer to help with something specific, but that’s unlikely to happen often so how can we get over our “issues” with asking for help? 

1.       Serving others in need provides a greater appreciation for one’s own health and blessings. Denying others this opportunity would make them miss out on a wonderful character building experience.

2.       If we do not open up our lives to others, they will not gain a greater understanding of an empathy for those with invisible chronic illnesses.

3.       When we disregard an offer for help, the only person we are “punishing” is ourselves.

4.       If they see us socializing one day and calling for help the next, this provides an opportunity to share how chronic invisible illness works. We have both good and bad, and we can’t predict which days will be which.  We shouldn’t feel guilty if we genuinely need assistance.

5.       God is glorified when we humble ourselves and admit we can’t do everything in our own strength.  He is also glorified when friends give their time to serve one another.

 

My friends and their two little girls came over, brought supper, cleaned my house and played with my daughter. It was a good learning opportunity for their girls to learn about caring for others. Even with these things in mind, it’s never easy to pick up the phone and ask for help, no matter how close the relationship.  But it’s never too late to try. Hopefully the more we accept offers for help and allow others into our life of chronic invisible illness, “call me if you need anything” will become, “hey, I’ve got some time on Friday, can I come help you with your housework”.

 

The Picture of Health

I was recently asked how I was feeling to which I responded my usual, "so-so" or something to that nature because I really have no idea how to try and explain to someone how I feel on a daily basis.  The person responded with, "well you always look the picture of health".  I know this person was trying to be nice, but their words actually hurt me. 

Nearly 1 in 2 people in the US have a chronic condition and approximately 96% of those have an illness that is invisible. (Source) Yet, we are still so uneducated about invisible illness. I know I was before I became invisibly ill and I am even a nurse! This year the National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week is September 12-18.  Lisa Copen founder of Rest Ministries founded Invisible Chronic Illness Week in 2002. If you or someone you know is suffering from an invisible illness you can find support at www.invisibleillnessweek.com

One way to spread the word about invisible illness is to share about our own invisible illness. Here's my response to 30 Things About My Chronic Illness

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is:

Pudendal neuralgia (we think, hopefully we’ll know more in 3 weeks when I travel to Phoenix to see a pudendal neuralgia specialist). I also suffer from central sensitization (basically my nervous system is kind wound up causing hypersensitivity to pain). This has caused symptoms similar to complex regional pain syndrome and widespread muscle pains. I have had other diagnoses along the way as well including sacroiliac joint dysfunction and chronic myofascial pain syndrome and the generic chronic pelvic pain, so only God really knows what’s wrong with me!

 2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:

December 2010

 3. But I had symptoms since:

November 2008

 4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:

Not sitting or only sitting for short periods with a cushion that takes the pressure off my pelvic area.

 5. Most people assume:

                That I am fine because I am young, small, and look healthy (other than that cushion I carry around for my "back").

 6. The hardest part about mornings are:

If I do not get at least 8 hours of restful sleep I will wake up feeling like I worked out all night long. My muscles will be so tight and my neck especially will hurt.

 7. My favorite medical TV show is:

I don’t know what this has to do with anything. I don’t watch much TV, but I used to love the old series “ER”.

 8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:

                Is a computer considered a gadget?

 9. The hardest part about nights are:

Sometimes falling asleep. The end of the day is the worst for me pain wise. Usually it feels like   my pelvis is on fire and there is a knife sticking in my sacrum. Also my legs/knees/feet/ neck/shoulders will be really tight and sometimes my legs/feet will burn. I also sleep walk some nights (always have) which doesn’t allow for restful sleep.               

 10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)

Most days I only take 6 pills. But if I am in a flare I may take Ibuprofen around the clock or other pain medications on top of this.

 11. Regarding alternative treatments I:

Have tried acupuncture, but am not a fan (at least of the type I tried). I do love massage. I use a TENS unit occasionally (not for sure if that is considered alternative).

 12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:

Depends on the illness. I am not naive to think visible illnesses are easier, but I do think they get “respect” or attention from people that an invisible illness doesn’t get.

 13. Regarding working and career:

I am a nurse, but due to my pain and the nature of my profession I can only tolerate working about 8 hours a week, preferably in 4 hour shifts. Even this is becoming more difficult for me. It’s really bad for me to do bending, lifting, pulling and of course I do that every day as a mom to a toddler.

 14. People would be surprised to know:

I am in pain all the time. Some days are better than others, but I don’t remember what it felt like not to have pain anymore.

 15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:

                Not being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it.

 16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:

                I can’t think of anything. Maybe I haven’t lived with this long enough.  

 17. The commercials about my illness:

There are no commercials about my illness. It is extremely rare and there are only about a dozen specialists in the world who treat it.

 18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:

Going on dates with my husband. It’s hard to go on dates when you can’t sit comfortably. We do occasionally, but it’s not extremely enjoyable like it used to be.

 19. It was really hard to have to give up:

Traveling for leisure. After living overseas and traveling to several countries I now only travel for medical treatment.

 20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:

                Writing. I used to write a good bit in high school, but enjoy it a lot more now.

 21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:

Spend it with my husband and daughter and doing something fun like going to an amusement park. I would also sit and rock my daughter to sleep. If I could have a week I would go to India and share how God has been so good to me even in my suffering.

22. My illness has taught me:

So much! You can’t judge someone without really what’s going on in their life. Greater empathy for others’ suffering. And it has deepened my faith in the sovereignty of God more than anything else in my life!

 23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:

Call me if you need anything. (It’s a nice gesture, but I need help everyday, do you really want me to call you every day? Why can’t others call me and offer to help me with cooking or cleaning or just to visit?)

 24. But I love it when people:

                Ask me how they can pray for me.

 25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:

                There are so many! But one of my favorite this last year has been
                Psalm 16:5-6

“The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in  pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.”

 26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:

Do not spend all your time researching and looking for a cure/healing. Invest your time seeking the Lord and how He would have you use this suffering for His glory.

 27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:

People (even those closest to you) don’t know what to say or how to offer support. So most of the time they don’t do anything.

 28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:

An anonymous person left Christmas gifts for me and my family on our front porch last year. I don’t know that we’ll ever know who it was. It was so kind and unexpected.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:

I want to get the word out. There are millions of people living with invisible illness and you don’t have to look very far.  There is so much you can do to minister to them. Don’t be scared to talk to them about their condition and don’t think that just because they have lived with this for 20 years it’s no longer a struggle for them. Just because you see them out at the park with their child or running errands, do not assume they are feeling better. Most people with chronic illness have to “suck it up” and go on with life as best they can.

 30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel

                Special! Now, go share what you’ve learned with someone else J

Ministry to those Suffering

Does your church have a disability/chronic illness/suffering ministry? Really, leave a comment if your church does. (Remember you can always leave a comment anonymously). It's definitely an area of ministry that is lacking in our churches today I think.


 In the fall of 2009 Dallas Theological Seminary began offering a new course of study called "Theology of Suffering, Disability, and the Church".  It is taught by DTS faculty, medical professionals, counselors, and those suffering themselves.  You can download over a 100 of these lectures free through iTunes university here

It is my hope to one day start a chronic illness ministry at my church, Lord willing.  These lectures along with Lisa Copen's book  How to Start a Chronic Illness Small Group Ministry are a great resource to help you begin ministering to those suffering. 

Even if you aren't interested in starting a "suffering" ministry, these lectures are a great encouragement for times when you are suffering yourself.  Hearing the testimony of others who have walked through great trials and kept the faith always increases my love and trust in our sovereign God.

Enjoy!

"Why Can't I Make People Understand?"

"'Oh, you look so good!  You must be feeling a lot better.' It's a kind word of encouragement and yet we've all felt the twinge of "if you only knew" that sparks possible heartache or resentment.  They don't have a clue how poorly I feel. It took everything to get up today and brush my hair.  Little do they know! Emotions well up within our heart as we contemplate to smile and say, 'Thank you' or jump into our lament of 'Well, I feel  a lot worse than I look...'"

taken from: Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why (Conquering the Confusions of Chronic Illness) (p. 9) by Lisa Copen, founder of Rest Ministries, Christian support ministry  for the chronically ill

I did not write those words, but I sure feel like I could have.  It's strange to think that a comment like "you look good" could bring such hurt and frustration.  I know people mean well in saying it, but from the perspective of someone who struggles with chronic illness/pain it feels like the person means, "if you look this good you must not really be sick".  This happens to me probably weekly as I go to church, Wal-Mart, work, etc.  The thing is people don't realize that in order for me to go out to a family gathering I spend the 2 hours prior laying down and resting. Or that while I do make it through church I am sitting there on my cushion with burning pain and debating on how much long I can make it before I must stand. Or that yes, I endure an 8 hour work shift only to spend the next day laying on the couch most of the day recovering. 

It seems like if people see me out and I look ok then I must be better (I'll often get the comment of, "So, you're doing better?"). In my pride,  I want to say, "No, I'm not doing better, in fact in the last 2 weeks I've developed a new symptom of burning pain in my knees, in addition to my feet and sacral/perineal area, which makes it really hard to stand. So now, I can't sit or stand without a ton of pain!" Or I want to say, "No, I don't feel better. I am just trying to live life the best I can. You know there are a lot of people who live in daily pain and they can't just go around talking about it all the time!" Or even worse, I don't want to go out of the house so people will realize that this pain is really bad! Of course, I don't say these things and I try to live as much of a normal life as I can, but if I don't point these things out to people I worry that they think chronic pain is not that bad or worse, that I am "crazy".  Ironically though when people don't say anything at all, it also is irritating because then it feels like they don't care that I hurt!

But even if I do point out these issues, the other person will never be able to understand exactly what I am feeling.  And that's really what this book is about-since most people cannot understand what it is like to be a pudendal neuralgia/chronic pain sufferer I must learn to let go of these feelings of worry, fear, disappointment, and anger when others do not seem sympathetic to my pain.  Copen says, "This book's purpose is to examine our own desires and then transform them so we can move forward in our spiritual growth instead of withering under the burden of unmet expectations"  p. 16

This book is filled with scripture and points to the One who truly can identify with our suffering and comfort us in our pain. It is a great book for both the chronic illness sufferer as well as those caring for someone with a chronic illness. I think it will help a spouse, friend or caregiver be able to better identify with the mixed emotions we go through and how to help point us to the truth in our weakness.

Other questions that are addressed in this book:

"Is it okay to get mad at God about it all and express your true feelings?"

"How should you respond when people say hurtful things about your illness?"

"How does your attitude affect whether you get the kind of understanding you seek or not?"

"What happens to your spiritual life when you feel alone and misunderstood in your pain?"