Radical Love

Thank you to those of you who prayed for me over the weekend. I made it through the parenting conference, by God's grace! Thankfully the sessions were an hour long and I was able to alternate sitting (rotating my 4 different cushions), side sitting on my hips, and standing in the back. I did take 0.5mg of Ativan (my newest experimental drug) and it lessens the pain some, but does make me pretty drowsy.  So it's not an everyday pain management drug for me. The conference was good though and I'm so thankful I was able to attend even though I've been pretty flared since, and not just my pelvic pain, but especially my all over myofasical pains.

I was thinking yesterday and over the weekend about what Valentine's Day is like for the pelvic pain sufferer, or at least me.  It's a holiday that's history is very confusing and been commercialized to encourage  lust, I mean "love".  For most couples V-day activities include going out to eat and having sex, two very uncomfortable things for people with pudendal neuralgia.  It's hard not to feel a little sorry for yourself when the world is shoving lingerie and "KY Intense" down your throat.  As a Christian wife who wants to enjoy intercourse in it's proper bounds, it's hard not to feel entitled...like I deserve to be able to please my husband like "normal" women (that's the real pain, for me at least).  But, where in the Bible does it say that every marriage relationship will enjoy blissful sexual realtions?  It's just not promised.

I'm reading a great book Radical by David Platt, my husband's favorite pastor.  It's a book that will challenge your faith and the American dream.  He brought up the parable in Luke 9 about the cost of following Jesus.

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head."  To another he said, "Follow me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father."  And Jesus said to him, "Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God."  Yet another said, "I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home."  Jesus said to him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." v. 57-62

Platt says, "Plainly put, a relationship with Jesus requires total, superior, and exclusive devotion.  Become homeless.  Let someone bury you dad.  Don't even say good-bye to your family."  He points out that we are not even guaranteed that our basic need of shelter will be met!  So why do we expect our basic wants and desires of health, family, love, and happiness will be met? Jesus doesn't promise these things if we follow Him. In fact He promises just the opposite, this life will be full of tribulation (John 16:33) and we must deny ourselves (Luke 9:23). 

These are radical words.  When I look at what I am "sacrificing" it seems pretty small compared to having nowhere to lay my head or not even saying goodbye to my family before going out to dangerously share the gospel!  It's not that God doesn't want blessings for us, but rather our treasure is found in heaven not in this world (Mark 10:21).  God give me this kind of love for you, that missing out on a few pleasures of this world would fade in comparison to knowing you.