I was reading my Bible the other night and came across a verse that really struck me. John 19:10-11
"So Pilate said to him, "You will not speak to me? Do you not know that I have authority to release you and authority to crucify you?" Jesus answered him, "You would have no authority over me at all unless it had been given you from above."
I have long been a believer in the sovereignty of God (that He is in control of all things), but I haven't been applying it to my own life or at least not to the "why" of the beginning of my pain. See really it doesn't matter if the PT did something wrong to bring about this pain I have because everything that happens whether good or bad can not happen outside God's authority. It's hard sometimes for us to imagine how a loving God could will bad things like chronic illness, financial hardship, the tragic loss of a loved one, or infertility. But we aren't God. We can't see His ultimate plan for our life. And most importantly we don't know how a certain "bad" thing will bring Him more glory than if it had never happened. It's hard to accept this, but I'm trying to stop asking "why" and trust that my all-knowing God has my best interest in brining about this pain.