Valentine's Day Without Sex?

(A revised post from last Valentine's day. I can't believe it's been a year since I wrote that post. Time flies whether you are having fun or not!)

Valentine's Day often comes with a mix of emotions for the pelvic pain sufferer, or at least me. It's a holiday with a very confusing history that has become commercialized to encourage lust love. For many couples, V-day activities include going out to eat and having sex: two activities that seem so simple yet often bring dread and pain for those with pelvic pain. It's hard not to feel a little sorry for yourself when the world is shoving lingerie and "KY Intense" down your throat and all you can do is scrounge up enough energy to get your loved one a card.

As a Christian wife who loves my husband and who wants to enjoy intercourse in it's proper bounds (Hebrews 13:4), it's hard not to feel entitled...that I deserve to be able to please my husband like "normal" women. Unfortunately well meaning Christians often produce even more feelings of guilt when they declare that a marriage without sex will fail or that our husbands will be tempted to turn to pornography if their "needs" are not met. But, where in the Bible does it say that every marriage relationship will enjoy blissful sexual relations? It's just not promised.

When tempted to feel like a martyr, I am reminded of the parable in Luke 9 about the cost of following Jesus.

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head." To another he said, "Follow me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." And Jesus said to him, "Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Yet another said, "I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home." Jesus said to him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." v. 57-62

David Platt in his book Radical says, "Plainly put, a relationship with Jesus requires total, superior, and exclusive devotion. Become homeless. Let someone bury you dad. Don't even say good-bye to your family." He points out that we are not even guaranteed that our basic need of shelter will be met! So why do we expect our basic wants and desires of sex, health, family, love, and happiness will be met? Jesus doesn't promise these things if we follow Him. In fact He promises just the opposite, this life will be full of tribulation (John 16:33) and we must deny ourselves (Luke 9:23). 

These are radical words. When I look at what I am "sacrificing" it seems pretty small compared to having nowhere to lay my head or not even saying goodbye to my family before going out to dangerously share the gospel! It's not that God doesn't want blessings for us, but rather our treasure is found in heaven not in this world (Mark 10:21). Does knowing God and serving Him mean more to you than the fleeting pleasures of this world? (It's often a daily battle for me!)

If Valentine's Day has you feeling down in the dumps because you are single or away from your loved one or unable to show love in the way you'd like to the husband God has given you, remember the greatest display of true love ever given, and find your hope in Him!

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:10