Monday, May 16, 2011

I will Remember Your Wonders

The past few days have been especially difficult. It feels like every muscle in my body is as hard as a guitar string. Without going into all the details, I hurt. Times like these I feel like a bad mother and wife. I don't have the energy to play with my daughter and I don't feel like engaging in a conversation with my husband. I don't cry nearly as often as I used to when pain first entered my life, but tonight is an exception. How will I continue to live a semi-normal life if things continue to progress? How am I going to work an 8 hour nursing shift tomorrow when my feet are killing me? Is this as good as I will ever be, physically, here on this Earth?

I opened up my Bible to read tonight and was greatly encouraged by Psalm 77.

1 To the choirmaster: according to Jeduthun. A Psalm of Asaph. I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me.
2 In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted.*
3 When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah
4 You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5 I consider the days of old, the years long ago.
6 I said, "Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart." Then my spirit made a diligent search:
7 "Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable?
8 Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?" Selah
10 Then I said, "I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
12 I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.
13 Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God?
14 You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples.
15 You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
16 When the waters saw you, O God, when the waters saw you, they were afraid; indeed, the deep trembled.
17 The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side.
18 The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind; your lightnings lighted up the world; the earth trembled and shook.
19 Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen.
20 You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
* emphasis mine

It's easy in days like these to get depressed and to look back longingly on the "good" days before chronic pain entered my body. I can begin to question God's love and purpose for me. But like the psalmist I must cling to what is true. When I meditate on the mighty works of God both in my life and throughout the Bible, I can rest assured that God is good and His grace will get me through tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that, no matter what happens.


  1. I share your thoughts also. I suffer from chronic pelvic pain. Only those who suffer it can truly relate. Others try and mean well, but I'm glad to hear your thoughts. I, too, am a believer. My faith is what sustains me, and we need to say it to one another. We must help one another.

  2. Hannah, you will be blessed and the Lord Jesus Christ will heal you Psalm 103