I am honestly not that surprised that the injections didn't help me. I guess it is still possible to see some slight benefit, but I am doubtful there will be much overall improvement after this point. I called the doctor's office on Thursday to give them an update, but never heard back as to what the plan is next. I have heard that they want to wait 4-6 weeks after Botox before scheduling a patient for decompression surgery. I would like to get on the waiting list for surgery (as it will probably be 6-12 months before they can work me into the schedule since my doctor only does one pudendal decompression surgery a week), but I would also like to explore a couple other options before I undergo this extremely invasive and difficult surgery. For now I will continue doing some physical therpy once a week and pray a lot about what God would have me do in the future.
I've thought a lot and prayed over the last week about whether to start my new job that begins tomorrow. I do not know physically how I will work 8 hours a day twice a week, plus a 30 minute commute both ways. The sitting time alone is going to be extremely difficult, but I haven't felt the Lord telling me for sure not to try to work so I am going to give it a try. I think after about 2-3 shifts I will be able to tell if I am going to be able to handle it. In my heart I don't want to work. I would like to do some writing, maybe try to get back into swimming (I used to be a competitive swimmer and swimming is supposed to be an ok activity for pudendal neuralgia), and work on starting a chronic illness ministry at my church. But are these my desires or God's desires? But I know that right now financially with all my medical bills I need to work a little. It's hard to discern God's will. I pray and often feel like I don't have an answer either way about a decision that must be made.
I was reading my Bible this morning and read this passage.
"My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heat to understanding; yes if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God." Proverbs 2:1-5So how can we get wisdom? According to this passage, by treasuring God's commandements (which are found in His word), having a heart that strives to understand, calling out for insight and help, and searching for wisdom as we would for hidden treasure. Do, I seek wisdom this diligently? No. I don't pray as much as I should or read God's word as much as I should. But I want to have a heart of wisdom. It's something I am still learning and I pray that God will give me a desire to seek Him like silver, or like I seek and research my pain.
Would appreciate your prayers tomorrow as I begin this job. Please pray that God will make it clear whether or not I am to continue working and if not that God would provide for our needs. Thanks as for reading and caring. Would love to hear your experiences with discerning God's will in difficult circumstances such as these.