No Sudden Spiritual Maturity

The past several months I have not been very consistent with reading my Bible (this is probably part of the reason why you’ve seen a lack of spiritual growth related posts on the blog lately!). I started out the beginning of the year well doing a daily Bible reading plan through the YouVersion App, but by the Spring my discipline had become lax.  I know we are over half way through the year now and this is not typically the time people make commitments to read their Bible, but I’ve wasted enough time. I’m not going to wait another 5 months till 2014 to get back on track with reading the Word of God! 

Reading the Bible consistently is something I have struggled with for most of my Christian life, to be honest. I do well for a while reading regularly and then I get in a rut of only opening my Bible at church and sporadically at home. I go back and forth in this pattern and it is easy to get discouraged and feel defeated. Sometimes I feel like I’m so far behind on my “Bible Reading Plan” that I don’t remember what I read last. So rather than pick up the Psalms, for example, and at least read something; I read nothing. 

The last 18 months have been particularly hard for me to consistently read the Bible. We have prayed (and so many other people have prayed for us) and tried so many treatments, yet I continue to have debilitating pain, and I think in some ways this has made me apathetic to prayer and reading God’s word. I can make excuses, but it boils down to the fact that I am spiritually lazy and I love the things of this world way too much. I often find time to do the things I want to do, but spending time in God’s word can too easily be pushed to the back burner.  

Our pastor read a quote from Amy Carmichael a few Sundays ago that I found encouraging: 

“Sometimes when we read the words of those who have been more than conquerors, we feel almost despondent. I feel that I shall never be like that. But they won through step by step by little bits of wills little denials of self, little inward victories by faithfulness in very little things. They became what they are. No one sees these little hidden steps. They only see the accomplishment, but even so, those small steps were taken. There is no sudden triumph no spiritual maturity. That is the work of the moment.” – Amy Carmichael, Holy Sweat (1987) p. 130

Virtually nothing in life that is of any true worth comes instantaneously. And so it is with spiritual growth – there is no sudden spiritual maturity. It is a moment by moment work of denying self and choosing to be faithful in the small things when no one is watching.

 

This is hard to do. Some days it’s difficult to turn off the T.V. or the Internet browser and pick up the Bible. It doesn’t always seem fun to spend your free time memorizing scripture instead of taking a nap or enjoying a hobby. But it is the most important thing we can do – spend time with God. And by his grace, through the work of the Holy Spirit, it is possible to have those little victories.

But as with most things, we must have a plan or goals in order to ensure we follow through with our intentions. We can commit to reading our Bible daily, but if we don’t know how we are going to do it, it probably will not happen, at least not consistently. And this is my struggle – having a plan and being disciplined to follow through with it.

So what are some small steps we can take to ensure we read the Bible regularly and hide God’s word in our hearts?

 

1.   Seek out accountability and encouragement. The best thing we can do when spiritually struggling (after seeking the Lord for help) is find another Christian to walk along beside us. It is not easy to admit we are not reading the Bible, but we are more likely to succeed if someone asks us weekly what passage of scripture most convicted or encouraged us and if they are praying for us regularly.

 

2.   Make a Plan. Just like one doesn’t lose weight by saying they are going to exercise, we need to plan out how and when we will read the Bible. Otherwise, we will push snooze when the alarm goes off. And if you haven’t read consistently in a while, don’t jump to a “read the Bible in a year plan” but rather be faithful to read one chapter or part of a chapter a day. And as you are faithful in that, ask God to give you the grace to set higher goals.

 

3.   Don’t give up if temptation wins. There will be days of failure. Remember, it is little steps, small victories. If you watch T.V. late one night or need an extra hour of sleep some mornings due to your chronic illness and can’t read the Bible as planned, don’t give up reading altogether. Rather focus on the goal – to know God more. And pick up where you left off, tomorrow.

 

4.   The goal is not just to know about God, but rather to know God. I struggle with this A LOT. I am an intellectual thinker and I enjoy studying theology. So I often read the Bible for facts or knowledge rather than to grow closer to God. Theology is important, but coming to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength should be our aim.

 

5.   Pray, Pray, Pray! We can make a plan, have accountability partner, and do all the “right things” but unless God is the one guiding our efforts, we will ultimately fail. Prayer is a discipline just like reading the Bible (I probably need to devote a whole other post to this!) and maybe you struggle with this as well. If so, don’t get discouraged. Start small – five minutes even, especially if you are not currently praying regularly. Then as you seek God through His word and become more disciplined, pray a little more and in time (by God’s grace) prayer will become easier.

Do you struggle to consistently read the Bible? I hope to share some of my personal struggles in the days to come and my new plan as I try to seek God through reading and memorizing His word. If you like to use social media, you can sign up on my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter for new blog updates!

 

Good News and Bad News

First, the good news: after over 4 years, 7 months of chronic debilitating pain and 21.5 months of wading through our nation's disability process....I have been approved!! The bad news is, I am disabled. 

It was bittersweet to read the judge's determination letter yesterday. While I've known I've been disabled for quite some time as I've had to give up so many of the activities that I love and I continue to struggle with abilities that are normal for a 30 year old woman, it seems more real to know that I am legally disabled. When asked my employment status on forms I will now have to write "disabled". My daughter has a disabled mother. My husband has a disabled wife.

It's not the life we wanted. Disability is not the "fairy tale" ending that anyone dreams of as a child. No amount of money could compensate for the physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional suffering of disability.

But we are extremely grateful for the extra income we will receive each month, no matter how small it is. This will help us offset some of our monthly bills, especially the medical bills, and allow us to hopefully save a little money again (something we have not been able to do for two years now).

So for all of you who are working hard and paying into social security each pay check. Thank you. It is very humbly to have to accept money and help from others, but please know that you are helping families like us bear the burden of chronic illness and disability.

I pray one day my health will return enough to where I can work again and will not need to rely on government based financial assistance because disability is not the goal. But until that day comes, either on this Earth or in my heavenly home, I accept the benefits of social security disability with a thankful heart knowing many around the world are suffering much worse than I am without opportunities for financial assistance.

Thank you for your faithful prayers concerning this over the last almost 2 years. And most importantly thank you to our great God who has shown us favor and granted our petitions!

"Melting Down Plastic People"

Image Source

 

Today I guest posted over at We Got Real about melting down "plastic people" in the church. It sure is easy to put on a façade when we walk through the church doors, but what does the Bible say about being real with the body of Christ?

We hear it all the time: “I don’t go to church because those people are hypocrites!” We think, “Oh, they don’t understand. We are misrepresented by a few who go to church but aren’t really following Christ.” And while that is often the case, do you ever look around the pews and think, “these people are so fake!”? Or, even worse, know that you are not real with your brothers and sisters you worship with each Sunday?

Those of us who reside in the United States live in a very private and individualistic culture. Even in the South where people are more hospitable, we are overall a “cold climate culture” (task-oriented) rather than a “hot-climate culture” (relationship-based). In most “hot-climate cultures” there is a group mentality. People live in community –they share their food, private lives, homes, etc. Their mentality is that what’s yours is mine and what is mine is yours. Sadly this is not the norm in our Western Culture and definitely not in most American churches.

Be sure to check out the rest of the post here for 5 ways we can strive to live in real community with other believers.

Lots of Prayers Needed!

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. This last month my parents have been renovating the kitchen of the house we rent from them. It should be finished in the next couple of weeks and what a blessing it will be! My daughter is finished with preschool for the summer, and so any extra energy I have has been going toward caring for my family and enjoying the warmer weather before it becomes too hot to be outside!

Tomorrow is a BIG day, though, and I sure could use some extra prayers. After 20 months of wading through the disability process and being denied twice, I will have my hearing in the morning. My attorney thinks I have a good chance of being granted disability since my pain affects my standing, walking, and most importantly sitting ability.  But I know that anything can happen and it's really in the hands of the judge who will be hearing my case. If I am not given disability benefits then there would not be any reason for me to reapply unless my condition worsens. Please pray that I will explain my pain/limitations well , that the judge will be empathetic, and that he will see how my pain prohibits me from working. Pray that we will trust God no matter what the decision is. (We will not get a response for 30-60 days).

I have continued to see myofascial release therapist for the last 3 months, but I am not seeing any real improvement. The biggest issue is that this therapist is not trained to work on the pelvic floor and without that my sitting ability is not likely to improve. I am not sure what to do honestly. I have tried almost every therapist in this area that I can find who has any experience at all in the pelvic floor. I continue to try to research and call other therapists in this area, but it seems I am out of options. It's hard to understand why God would put us in an area without knowledgeable health care providers to help me, but for some reason He has not allowed us to leave this area yet. It is extremely frustrating and discouraging and were it not for Christ I would despair (and rightfully so!). Please pray against the temptation to worry and despair. Pray that God in His timing would provide a way for me to manage my pain better or preferably that He would take it away!

I am 9 days shy of being 5 months post-op from hip surgery for FAI/labral tear. The last few weeks I have been dealing with a lot of operative side knee pain again. I have had problems with this knee on/off for several years, but especially after surgery. My PT (that I travel 2.5 hours to see every 4-6 weeks) thinks the knee pain is due to my quad and glute weakness which is causing my femur to rotate internally when walking. Also my IT band is extremely tight and overworked due to extreme weakness in my adductors/vastus medialis. Unfortunately I struggle to do very much strengthening because it increases my pelvic floor burning. Lately my knee pain has made walking and even standing painful. I've been using KT tape (which helps some), anti-inflammatories, foam rolling, warm Epsom salt baths/heat, self-massage/trigger point release, but I am still struggling. I am trying to get my insurance to cover a SERF strap, which my PT thinks may help with the hip internally rotating, but please pray that when I travel to see my therapist this week she will have some other tips to help me get this knee pain under control. Also pray that she will help me find some exercises in general that I can tolerate better in order to regain some strength.

Thank you for praying for our out of town trip back in April. It was not easy, but God gave great grace and allowed us a good visit with my husband's family. Also thank you for praying for my husband's job interview. Sadly, we are still waiting to hear whether my husband will get this promotion or not (he should finally hear this week, Lord willing), but we did learn that even if he gets this promotion the pay will only increase minimally. So he will actually work more hours for less money overall, due to changing from an hourly to a salaried position. This is of course disappointing, but we know God is in control of this as well and He knows what we need. Pray we would trust God to provide and that He would provide either through disability or a different job for my husband.

It seems the Lord has been and is continuing to teach us patience. I know I am far too often weary of having to wait, and I complain and worry about the trials we face. But I pray God will help us hold firm to Him till the end and that we would fix our eyes on Him as we wait.

Guest Post: This Was Not Plan B

Below is a guest post from my friend, Bonnie. For the last year she has been dealing with some health issues that have recently caused great disappointment for her family. See seven truths Bonnie strives to remember when she is tempted to despair. I think you will be encouraged. I sure was!

On Valentine’s Day, we received news that the mission agency we’ve been in the application process with for the past three years denied our acceptance due to my current health situation.  This was definitely one of the top three most disappointing moments in the life of our marriage. The sinking sensation that accompanied the news was the same sort of feeling we experienced when we found out we would likely never have biological children and then a year later when the phone call came telling us our attempted domestic adoption fell through due to the birth mother changing her mind.  Karate kick.  In the gut.

The past two months of sorting through this realization has been perplexing for us, to say the least.  We never had a “Plan B” when it came to our career path as a couple.  For the past 13 years, living overseas in order to share the Gospel with the unreached is all my husband or I have ever wanted to do with our lives.  Over a decade of preparation, schooling, and plans seemed to crash into a wall of a million whys during those early weeks of coming to grips with the reality that our lives and ministries will be looking vastly different than we ever imagined.

I think what has been the hardest thing about this disappointment is the long-term reality of my health situation.  I know I’m not in a good place right now, and we are beginning to realize that it’s really not wise to consider moving overseas with any agency or company until I can get to a place where I’m able to consistently manage my pain. We have spent the past year begging the Lord for healing so that we can pursue career missions.  I have been anointed with oil, and prayed over by our pastors.  Countless friends and family have stood beside us to pray for healing in order that we may be sent out to areas where there is little Gospel witness.  I’ve tried multiple traditional and non-traditional methods to attack my condition from all angles.  We know God can heal and does heal but right now He has chosen not to for some profound reason.  He may heal me tomorrow.  Or He may never.  The reality that our long-term missions plans is taking a turn in a different direction has been a painful shift in our thinking.

God is kind to have given us time in the school of disappointment prior to this news.  Memories have flooded me over the past two months back to lessons formerly learned. I can remember the spring of 2009 driving home from Nashville sobbing beside my hubby with an empty car seat safely secured behind us as we grieved our failed adoption.  After breaking down the nursery and attempting to return the baby items we had purchased for the little guy we thought we were bringing home, we had to get away.  Like, far away where our cell phones didn’t have reception.  So we did what any sensible person would do in such situations and ran for the border- to Canada :)  Standing on the “Maid in the Midst” boat underneath the roar of Niagara Falls, God did something profound in my heart in the midst of that deep pain and disappointment.  He spoke peace, and comfort, and assurance from
Psalm 93:3-4:“The seas have lifted up, O LORD, the seas have lifted up their voice; the seas have lifted up their pounding waves.  Mightier than the thunder of the great   waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea- the LORD on high is mighty.”

And as I have remembered that time, I am reminded that once again God on high is mightier than this current storm in our souls and that He is with us.  He is walking beside us in our disappointment with a comfort and peace that surpasses understanding. 

Another glimpse into past lessons learned reminds me that through the disappointment of infertility God did something far more beautiful in the life of our family than I could ever have dreamed.  Adoption wasn’t plan  “B” for us.  It was... always... in the heart of  God. His good and perfect plan for our family.  As I contemplate that, I’m reminded that this current loss of a career missions dream is no different.  This wasn’t plan “B” for us.  He is sovereignly working out something beautiful for our future that we just can’t understand right now just as He worked infertility for our good by allowing us to adopt our two beautiful children from Ethiopia.

I have to confess the past two months have been pretty up and down emotionally.  One day we’re thrilled for what God has next and excited to see what doors He opens up.  The next moment, we are so deeply saddened and burdened to not be able to be on the front lines of ministry that we just want to cry.  Other days there’s just numbness to the whole thing and a desire to just block out the pain and not even think about it.  There is a proper time to grieve, and to be sad over lost dreams.  We don’t have to walk around with a stiff upper lip to the sorrows that beset us in life.  We can pour out our hearts to God and others by keeping it real.  And He promises to comfort.  And then- you gotta move on.  To a place where you live out hope on the steadfast promises of God even when your circumstances confound you. 

My heart WANTS to hold to His promises when my emotions and the world and Satan tell me to despair.  I long to fight the fears that lie ahead and the doubts inside that say nothing good can come from this.  I want to be steadfast in hope in the midst of disappointment even when my weepy heart just wants to eat chocolate and wallow in sadness.  God is not ripping us off.  So when I get those feelings, Lord, help me to remember....


#1-God is good.  He is absolutely, unequivocally working on behalf of the good of His children.  ALWAYS. 

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

 #2- God is wise.  He sees the end from the beginning and there is no telling what He is protecting us (and you!) from when he says “no” to the things we so deeply desire. 

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!” Romans 11:33 

#3- God is sovereign. He gives, and He takes away.  He opens the womb and He closes it.  He appoints men to ministry positions and He denies them.  He opens doors for jobs and He shuts them.  He sustains life and He takes it.  He lets adoptions go through and He allows others to fail. And all of this stems from His amazing love for us. 

“John answered, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven.” John 3:27

#4- God is our Redeemer.  When we look at Scripture and the ways He has on countless occasions turned painful situations for the good of His children (ie: Abraham, Joseph, Daniel, Moses, Paul), how can we not trust He will do likewise in our own lives? Our little Ethiopian miracles remind me everyday that He is a redeeming God.  I don’t understand how He’s going to work my physical trials and our loss of dreams for our good but I’m banking my hope that He will redeem this sorrow because He says He will. 

“O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.” Psalm 130:7-8

#5- God is our Refiner.  He loves us too much to leave us as we are.  He knows exactly what it will take to bring His children to deeper places of trust and reliance on Him.  He uses all of our disappointments in life to bring out what is truly deep in our hearts.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  He wants to purify us, and our holiness is His pursuit far above our physical happiness. 

“Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.” Hebrews 12:10

#6- Christ is our identity.  On days when my body aches and I physically can’t do all that I long to, this truth brings me so much hope. I could never do enough good to outweigh my bad.  Never.  I was a slave to sin and separated from God because of my rebellion.  Christ took all of my sin and shame on the cross, so that I can have a right relationship with Him forever.  So that I can love Him and commune with Him, and be near Him for all eternity.  My identity is not in the titles I do or do not hold such as “mother”, “wife”, “missionary”, or “teacher” but in my ultimate standing as “child of God”!

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” 1 John 3:1

#7- God is our hope.  I’m sure this will not be the last time in life that we will walk through seasons of grief and disappointment.  If all of our hope was placed on our dreams we would be sorely disappointed.  Over, and over again.  Material possessions, and plans, and dreams cannot be the source of our joy, satisfaction, and trust.  Our relationship with Christ and the knowledge of His true and steadfast character is THE only thing in this fallen world that will give us lasting hope.  All other cisterns will run dry and disappoint. 

“O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.” Psalm 130:7

Thank you Lord that you indeed are a good, wise, sovereign, redeeming, refining God of hope in whom we can place all of our trust.  Thank you that indeed goodness and mercy are following us as your children all the days of our lives even when our circumstances confound us (Psalm 23:6).  Thank you that though we walk dimly here on earth in the midst of a thousand perplexing “whys” you will one day make all wrong right and reveal to us your infinite wisdom in how you shaped our circumstances to protect us and to make us more like You.  Thank you that you are a good God; worthy of our trust and of our very lives.  Help us to honor you in this new season of change, Lord and to bank all of our hopes on You.

A "Senless Tragedy"? Thoughts on the Boston Marathon Bombings

Over the last several days I have noticed while reading the news coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings that took place this past Monday that the most common phrase used to describe this event is "senseless tragedy". From President Obama (who called it a senseless loss in his initial statement) to former presidential candidate Mitt Romney's son to a former NFL football player to even Pope Francis.

What happened in Boston was tragic. Tragic to those involved, to those watching on television, and to all of us as our eyes are opened (once again) to the wickedness of the world in which we live.

But were the bombings senseless?

Did they have no meaning or purpose? Was it just a random act of fate?

Obviously the bombings were not senseless to those carrying out the attack. No matter how illogical their motive might be to us, there was a purpose to the bombers. But more importantly we know that the bombings were not pointless to God, even though we may not understand "why". Whether God ordains an event or permits it, He is still in control and He has a plan.

The Bible tells us over and over that nothing happens arbitrarily, even the most disastrous events are not out of God's control (Isaiah 45:7). Even the roll of a dice when I am playing a game with my daughter is determined by God (Proverbs 16:33). The people who were running in the Boston Marathon or on the sidelines were not there randomly. Where we live and where we travel on a daily basis does not happen by chance (Acts 17:24-28). We make plans every day, but the Lord directs our steps (Proverbs 16:9). We know that God can do ANYTHING. He can take one of his biggest persecutors of His church and turn them into a missionary (Acts 9), and He can even stay the hand of a bomber (Daniel 4:35). No purpose of His can be thwarted (Job 42:2). And God often uses seemingly evil acts to bring about His good purposes (Genesis 50:20).

Randy Alcorn said in his book "If God is Good Why Do We Hurt" (a short booklet based off his larger work, "If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil."),

"We sometimes view the intense suffering caused by such horrible evil as being totally pointless. But our failure to see the point in extreme suffering doesn't prove there is no point. ....The Bible indicates that God will not permit anything to happen that he can't use to bring ultimate good to his people and to glorify himself. ...On the cross Jesus suffered the worst pain in history. Yet that event will forever remain at the center of our worship and wonder. If God used the most terrible event in history for eternal good, might he not use less terrible events in our lives for eternal good?" (p. 46-47)
 

Telling a victim of the Boston Marathon bombing that their family member died of a "senseless tragedy" offers absolutely no hope to the suffering. My pain doesn't make sense. We will probably never understand exactly what caused my pain to begin and why I have to continue to suffer, but to tell me my pain is senseless only leaves me angered and discouraged.

This is why our words are so important when comforting the suffering. We don't have to understand the "whys" to give hope to the hurting. We just have to trust that the one who upholds the universe by the word of his power (Hebrews 1:3) ordained every one our days before even one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16), and know that He is working all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

The kind people at Eternal Perspective Ministries have given me some copies of Randy Alcorn's "If God is Good Why Do We Hurt?" I would LOVE to give away 3 copies of this great booklet. I keep it close to my bed and pull it out for quick reference in times of discouragement or despondence. It never fails to encourage me to trust our Sovereign God.

UPDATE: GIVEAWAY CLOSED

The first three people to leave a comment on this post will receive a copy of this great resource. After leaving a comment, please email me at purposeofpain (at) gmail (dot) com and send me your mailing address.

May we continue to strive to trust our loving God and find hope in His purposeful providence in this fallen world.

Tasty Tuesday: Easy Fried Rice

When I saw this recipe I immediately added it to my list of recipes to try. It's ethnic food and it's easy - two of my favorite things. We liked it so much I've already made it twice in one week! :) I don't usually duplicate meals that frequently, but I needed a quick lunch for my husband after he had spent all morning mowing the yard (that was quickly becoming a jungle!) and was headed to work 2nd shift. My 3 year old wants to eat peanut butter and jelly every day (who can blame her?!), but thankfully she seems to liked this well enough to eat a decent size portion. She eats vegetables pretty well compared to most kids and she loves eggs!

I did make a couple of changes to the original recipe due to my taste preferences and available ingredients.

 Easy Fried Rice

• About 1.5-2 cups cooked brown rice
• 1 T of olive or coconut oil
• 1/2 medium onion diced
• 2 cloves of garlic minced
• 1/4 tsp ground ginger
• 16-20 oz frozen veggies (I just used a mixture of things I had on hand)
• 2 eggs
• black pepper to taste (you may need salt, but I find soy sauce to be salty enough for me)
• 1/4 cup soy sauce - Gluten Free, Organic, Reduced Sodium (I never knew there was gluten in soy sauce....that stuff is EVERYWHERE!)

* You may need more soy sauce, I'm not big on it so 1/4 cup is plenty for me.

1. In a large pan, heat the oil over medium-high heat.
2. Add the onion and cook while stirring for 1½ to 2 minutes. Stir in the garlic and ginger and cook for another 30 seconds.
3. Pour the frozen veggies into the pan and cook while stirring for  around 5 minutes (depending on how crunchy you like your veggies).
4. Using a spatula push the veggie mixture to one side of the wok. Drop in the 2 raw eggs on the other side and let them cook for 1 to 2 minutes before flipping and then stirring the entire mixture together.
5. Once the eggs are fully cooked add the soy sauce, and rice to wok. Mix together thoroughly, serve warm.

A quick, healthy, and CHEAP meal! Just the way I like it.

 

What new recipe(s) are you trying this week?