Sunday, May 13, 2012

Joys Higher Than Motherhood

Despite having a beautiful, healthy daughter, I've never had a Mother's Day without pain. I am reminded today how different motherhood looks for me than I had ever envisioned as I lie in bed alone, due to increased pain levels from my recent treatment, while my daughter enjoys the day with my mother and extended family. I often feel like I am not a mother because there is so much I cannot do for and with my daughter. So often I feel I must pass her along to someone else because I simply cannot care for her. Of course she doesn't know anything different (yet) and loves me just the same as if I was an able bodied mother.

Last Mother's Day I wrote about my grief of the inability to have more children, and with each passing year and worsening of my pain it seems the desire for more children will not likely be fulfilled. Of course, I should be content and grateful for how the Lord has blessed in allowing me to be a mother, but nevertheless, Mother's Day is often a reminder for many women of what they do not have.

This morning as I listened to our church service on the radio, they sang the hymn "Draw Me Nearer" by Fanny Crosby. She is probably the most well known hymn writer, having written thousands of hymns. Crosby was blinded as an infant by an incompetent doctor but she was not embittered by this "mistake". She said:
It seemed in­tend­ed by the bless­ed prov­i­dence of God that I should be blind all my life, and I thank him for the dis­pen­sa­tion. If per­fect earth­ly sight were of­fered me to­mor­row I would not ac­cept it. I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been dis­tract­ed by the beau­ti­ful and in­ter­est­ing things about me
I was particularly encouraged by the last lines of her hymn "Draw Me Nearer" in regards to grieving mothers on Mother's Day. It says:
There are depths of love that I cannot know
Till I cross the narrow sea;
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Till I rest in peace with Thee.
Thankfully motherhood is not the highest joy we can attain. Whether we have longings that are not fulfilled or are blessed with a quiver full of children, these earthly loves and joys do not compare with an eternity in heaven with our Savior. Like Fanny, we can trust in the blessed providence of our faithful God and know that He gives what is best that "[our] will be lost in Thine" and we would be drawn nearer to His precious bleeding side.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful. I share in your grief, yet I rejoice in that the Lord is sovereign and that He is good. Praying always.